Dispatcher Murphy's Law of Tow Trucks: The moment an officer keys up to ask where it is, is the moment the truck appears.

You know it's a busy night when...

Accident Command keys up and asks for another ambulance and the fire dispatcher sitting next to you starts actively weeping because he doesn't have any more to send.

Working fire side tonight.

Stop wrecking your cars people. Seriously.

There's a phone in there?!

FALL
228 BARN RD, COWTOWN TWP  

/0217      94/F -- LIFT ASSIST
/0218      PT IS IN BATHROOM - RP IS SON CALLING IN VAGINA.      

How To Piss Off Your Dispatcher In 4 Easy Steps

Step 1: Make a reasonable request "I need a StateDot salt truck."

Step 2: Make unreasonable demand based on fictitious time restraint involving previous reasonable request, now involving a third party. "I need the boro salt truck, StateDot won't get here in time."

Step 3: Become agitated when your dispatcher balks at the stupidity of asking her to wake up your boro road crew to salt a state road.

Step 4: Make a convoluted mess out of original request. Talk self into hole with dispatcher, boro road crew, and StateDot, ensuring your original reasonable request does not get taken care of in a timely fashion.

Viola!

(ps. I swear, I'm alive)

Call text of the night

"51/F -- scrotum injury"

Umm...

Hee!

"County, is that affirmative as in yes or affirmative as in no?"

Coffee Shame

0400. Between my podmate and I we have 7 hours of sleep combined in 48 hours. The coffee run can no longer be avoided (you didn't think we would use that nasty pot in the break room, did you?). Coffee order goes around the room, and podmate finally gets to me.

"I'll have a small coffee, cream and sugar."

"Small? You know that's the size of a shot glass right?"

"I won't finish anything bigger."

"That's a disgrace to the profession. I'm bringing you a medium... maybe one day you can work up to the big girl coffee."