A Dispatcher Rant

Dear Mr. Officer,

I have heard the story you are about to tell me 50 times before from 50 different cops. I'm sure you are needlessly suffering at home from a frigid sexless marriage and a shrew wife. Yes, I know my 1-900-dispatch voice is a bright spot in your otherwise dreary shift.

But there are a few things you should consider. The woman on the other end of the radio is not the smoking hot Angelina Jolie look-alike you are imagining. Nor are you the tall, dark, and handsome cop I like pretend populates my district. I know better, and you, having visited the comm center, certainly know better.

I'm your dispatcher. Equal parts lifeline, mother, pain in the ass, and caring voice on the other end of the phone/radio. What I am NOT, is a slut and a home wrecker. I don't sleep with married cops, maybe you should try the girl working the next district over. Your tale of sexless woe and despair is not the first that I have heard, and it will not be the last. And maybe if you weren't so busy trying to schtup the communications division, you'd have more time for your wife.

Sincerely,

Your Dispatcher