Monday, August 16, 2010

Lessons from Dayshift

1. You shouldn't bring heroin into a bank. It's very likely that you will forget it there, and then the police will show up at your house.

2. Hanging out at a major retail chain with a big rubber dildo and asking random women if they want to "go for a ride" is no way to get a date.

3. Saying "large rubber penis" on the radio in a straight voice is thus far my proudest moment as a dispatcher. 

4. The chances of an assault with injuries at 0645 turning into a hostage situation is directly inverse to the amount of coffee I have consumed.

5. If you're the traffic unit and you piss me off by suggesting *I* get you a new portable radio, I will suddenly remember you're eligible for the call rotation by giving you the next 5 in a row.

6. If your last relationship ended in a PFA filed against you, and your current one is disintegrating before your eyes as your significant other sets your clothing ablaze on the front lawn, perhaps staying single for a bit is a good idea.


  1. HAHAHAHAHA, thanks so much for those pointers! And nice job keeping a straight voice!

  2. "i copy it's at the porno shop."

    "enter in the rear."

    the things that amuse us...